Tuesday, May 6, 2008

On Misguided Practical Jokes

Every once in a while at work, we like to play little jokes on the newbies.

Today, one of the sales guys sent the new (and inexperienced) kid out to a supplier for both a "left-handed wrench" set (for both Metric and SAE wrenches) and a "hydraulic hose stretcher".

Neither of which exist, of course...

The lad wasn't too impressed with our time-honoured hazing ritual...

So, while sitting around the lunchroom today, we talked about the best (worst) practical jokes we've ever pulled off.

While few of theirs amounted to anything more than Hallowe'en pranks, mine (as always) took the prize:

1. While at a party (sometime back in my early twenties), I replaced the contents of the candy dish with bath beads I'd coated with icing sugar. As most people were half-drunk when I'd made the switch, nobody noticed until the next morning (lots of Pepto Bismol bought that morning!). Punishment: see below...

2. Again, back in my early twenties: Filling an ex-girlfriend's shampoo bottles with depilatory foam. No punishment.

3. Late twenties: Replacing a birthday cake with an identically iced and decorated cardboard box. Punishment: angry girlfriend = no sex.

4. Mid-twenties: Finding an old package of Ex-Lax from the late 70's, the kind that looked like a chocolate bar, at my grandmother's house. Then taking it home, melting it down with regular milk chocolate and white chocolate, pouring into Valentine's Day themed chocolate molds, and sending it to my cheatin' ex-girlfriend for Valentine's Day, care of a "Secret Admirer". (OK, so this one was a bit extreme). Punishment: Deservedly got my ass kicked by her boyfriend, her father, and endured social ostracism for about a month.

5. Grade 12: While waiting for our English 300 class to be opened, I remarked to the kids in the ESL class across the hall that their final mark rested upon their knowledge and understanding of the poem "Jabberwocky", and that it'll be on the exam (What means this word "frumious"??). Punishment: Giving a two hour presentation to the same ESL class on humour, irony, and puns, and answering all questions from the bemused students. Much to my English teacher's, ESL teacher's, and Principal's chagrin, I had a lot of fun and ended up tutoring a couple of students after school for a while. Briefly dated a cute Polish girl, too...

So, yeah, I've pulled my share of mean spirited practical jokes.

Bad karma? You bet! But in the spirit of fair play, I gotta tell you about my favourite practical joke played upon me!

In retaliation for the "Bath Bead Incident", the girls who hosted that particular party invited me over to their next party and got me good and loaded. I don't remember much from that night, but remember the next morning quite vividly, as I spent much of it puking up pink stuff that tasted like perfume... (and this was before I discovered the beauty that is Campari!)

From what I was told later (by one of the hostesses whom I later ended up dating for a few months), in the wee hours of the morning, they asked me if I wanted breakfast. Knowing I was into European stuff, they offered me a bowl of Kellogg's Mueslix, which I apparently ate with a big smile on my face (pictures to prove!).

Except it wasn't Mueslix.

It was a packet of potpourri, with a few raisins thrown in for good measure..

Ah, memories...

2 comments:

cherenkov said...

they didn't notice they were eating bath beads?

Conceited Jerk said...

Nope. They were all quite inebriated.

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